Instruction Book for Parents - at last

At a recent meeting of the Anchorage Youth Development Coalition, I was perusing their brochures and found a great resource for parents everywhere. The Municipality of Anchorage has published a parenting guide that I have found to be absolutely wonderful.

Yes, finally, there is an instruction book for kids. It's easy to read, very well organized and goes from prenatal to teenagers. You would think such a book would be several volumes of thick, hard-bound, but it's actually a small booklet that would fit in a purse or diaper bag.

We have copies available at the JEC, or you can email wwhhs@muni.org to pick up copies of your own.

What I love about it is its simplicity. There were also some great techniques for getting your kids to behave that even Miss Leah and I hadn't heard of. Yes, it's true, we don't necessarily know everything.

One technique they did highlight was one we have used for years. When my daughter was little, it worked wonders. I can also attest that it works with teenagers, as we used it when I worked at a residential treatment center for adolescents.

It's called Assisted Compliance and it goes a little something like this:

1. State the behavior you want. "Stop jumping on the bed." (notice that it does not say ask the child to behave. We will cover ask vs. tell in another blog).
2. If the child does not comply, offer a choice: "You can stop jumping on the bed now or I can help you."
3. If they still don't stop, you simply say, "I guess you want me to help you." And you remove the child from the bed.

This works with just about any behavior you want a kid to stop doing, or if they are staying put when you need them to, say, get in the car before you both freeze, or leave the public playground at night before the vagrants arrive.

Now, I do not recommend it for things like picking up toys or putting on clothing. Children need to do this when told and they can use Assisted Compliance against you to get you to be their servant. For this, we recommend a shut down. You tell the kid to pick up their toys (again, you don't ask) and if they don't do it, then nothing else happens until they pick up their toys.

This is, of course, for kids age 2-1/2 and up. Resist all temptation to help them clean up their huge messes. Leave the room if you have to. Later on, when their 4th grade teacher says what a joy your child is and even later on when their boss is so happy with their ability to complete tasks at work, you will be glad you were firm with them when they were 3.

So that's the lecture for the day. I will close with a cute story from our Toddler Room. A group of almost 3-year-olds wanted a drink of water, and, as is the rule, they sat down and asked for water. (We don't allow kids to stand while eating or drinking, as it's a choking hazard.)

The kids were all a chorus of "Water! Water!" and they held their hands out waiting for the cups. One boy, who has been with us for a while, turned to the group and said, "Remember guys, you have to say 'fleas'."

Happy Hanukkah,

Miss Tara and Miss Leah