Smackin' it Down with Senator Stevens

All I can say is if you weren't at the Crafters Smackdown yesterday, YOU MISSED OUT!! What is it, you say - it's a crafting tournament and art event extravaganza. We had parent volunteers, celebrities and unbeleivable craft artists.

Seriously, here's what we offered:

• Mr. Whitekeys: Nothing says irreverent Alaska like this guy. He actually told us our event was "Over the top." Coming from that guy, that's amazing
• Senator Ted Stevens: Wearing a barrister's wig and homemade apron, he wielded a mean glue stick and made an Alaskan cereal box: Gold Rush Crunch
• 17 teams competing: Some of the craziest, most competitive crafters around. The Krafty Killaz took 1st prize with the Bite Me Girls in close 2nd. Holy Crafters and Artsy Fartsy Mamas rounded out the top four.
• The Craft Mafia: These ladies put on a wonderful art/craft show, complete with hula hoops, silkscreened ties, bicycle seat covers and knitted items, just to name a few. The head Mafia ladies participated in the Senator Ted challenge, too.
• Celebrity Judges: First Lady Deborah Bonito, Superintendant Carol Comeau, DJ Amber O'Niell and Marla Greenstein (aka the East German Judge). Seeing them laugh out loud for 2-1/2 hours straight was icing on an already huge cake.

All of this was to promote and raise money for our preschool and afterschool programs at Congregation Beth Sholom's Jewish Education Center. Our parents know this program is one of the best around, but now the general public knows it too.

Check out these links to see all the press coverage for the 3rd Annual Crafters Smackdown.

http://www.adn.com/politics/story/318326.html Watch the slide show, too.

http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=7886203

If you want to be on our email list for next year, please let us know. You can join the Smackdown - or are you too scared?

Proper Care and Feeding of Pre-K Kids

We do not have a hot lunch program at our preschool yet, and someday we hope to change that. in the meantime, we've been, shall we say, diligent about letting parents know what's healthy, what are appropriate portion sizes and what we allow kids to eat while in our facility. You can't make a child eat, but you can give them choices that you feel better about.

At the JEC, we also adhere to kosher-style guidelines. We don't have to eat certified kosher food, but we don't eat milk/dairy products and meat together and we don't allow pork or shellfish. Then we have the FDA requirements, which we ensure for each kid, so we're in complicance with the Municipality of Anchorage licensing guidelines.

By the way, the guidelines say these kids have to be offered all the FDA required items in the appropriate sizes. We aren't required to make them eat, thank goodness.

With all this regulation, it's no wonder our parents get confused sometimes. Heck, we get confused among ourselves. We send home flyers with portion sizes and what's allowed and what's not, but we still see the occasional ham sandwich or cheeseburger bites.

So we started a lunch ticket system, so we can give parents an idea of what's going on with their kid's lunch, what items we had to add or substitute and what they can do better in the next lunch. We also put up flyers when parents have a streak of good lunches.

One of our biggest difficulties is portion sizes. Surprisingly, a lot of kids aren't getting enough of all their healthy food. We all resist our kids growing up, but as they grow they need larger quantities of food. Some parents pack a ton of food, which is okay, as long as they know the kids may not eat everything and that doesn't mean they're not getting enough.

We tell parents that children of this age like to make choices, so they pack crackers, a big piece of bread, some rice or pasta and a pretzel for them to choose from. Unfortunately, none of these choices are fruit, vegetable or protein. And while we're on the subject - a Fruit Roll-Up is neither fruit, nor a roll-up, discuss. No, blue apple sauce and a green fruit roll-up don't count - we suggest buying a bag of apples and oranges instead. Kids love fresh fruit!

So what do we do about it? First of all, it helps to plan ahead. Write down healthy choices and what you know your kid eats (and it WILL change, sometimes daily). Put them in categories, like bread/grains, fruit, vegetables, protein and then make up a lunch. This can be used as a shopping list, too.

Don't worry if your kid likes PBJ and only that for a week then decides PBJ is yucky and not worthy of them. Kids go through phases (usually the above scenario occurs when you've just gone to Costco and gotten a case of Jif Creamy).

So hang in there. You can stop by the JEC any time and get our Food Chart and portion size guides. It's very helpful to hang on the fridge while you're packing lunches.

Bon Appetit!

Miss Tara and Miss Leah

Feelings, nothing more than feelings

I had to take my guinea pig to the vet this morning. After hearing that she had lost about 5 ounces since her last visit two weeks ago, I began to cry. Her last visit was the day after our oldest guinea Pig, Alice, died suddenly after not eating for a day. A GP's weight loss is serious, since they only weigh a couple of pounds on average. I cried today for a lot of reasons, but most of them were a bit selfish - I just can't lose another piggie so soon.

As I checked out of the vet's office (with about $50 in meds and food supplements), I was still sniffling and tearful. I told the receptionist I felt a little silly getting so emotional about a small pocket pet. She reassured me that I was just being human and a good pet owner. She also said they have had people bring in their goldfish for evaluation, worried and tearful about losing them.

So I gave myself a break. Then I thought about how many times I have dismissed my daughter's feelings like I dismissed my own. It doesn't happen often, and I rarely do it out loud, but sometimes I think to myself, "Jeez, get over it! You're worried about a spelling test. Try paying a mortgage!"

One of my favorite comedians, Brian Regan, had a bit recently about how we don't put ourselves in a child's place as often as we should. He said, "I saw a kid let go of a balloon at the fair and then he cried when it floated away. His parents told him to 'calm down; it's just a balloon; we'll get you another one'. So I think to illustrate what this kid was feeling, I should've tied the dad's wallet to another balloon and let it go. That's what the kid was feeling right there."

In trying to be conscious of little people's feelings, I think it is important that we do have empathy and take seriously their fears, joys and other things. It's important that we guide them through those feelings, and help them work through them, but give them the significance and respect those feelings need.

One technique I've used with kids of all ages is just repeating what they say back to them. For example, when a kid says, "I'm scared." I just say, "Oh, you're scared? Okay." If a kid is missing their mom after being dropped off, I can just say, "You're missing your mom, aren't you?" After acknowledging their feelings, I can decide if they need a distraction or just to be left alone. And here's a little secret - sometimes I don't know what they need. If they're old enough, I ask them.

I suppose feeling scared about my little piggie is just that - a feeling. It's not a premonition, but just a feeling. I can act on that and take care of her and myself. And I can remember that losing a pet is a big deal. As Ghandi said, "You can tell a lot about a country by the way they treat their animals." I would add "and their children" to that.

Have a great weekend,

Miss Tara and Miss Leah

Not another New Year Post

As much as we hate to be part of the mainstream, we have to say that we're looking so forward to 2008, it's not even funny. We have had some hilarious moments, including:

• A 4-year-old deliberately wetting his pants so he could wear a dress without worrying about it
• A kid in the toddler room going to the kitchen set and making a meal of "soup and tacos" for everyone else
• Babies in huge diapers dancing to reggae music
• Our staff dinner in which the rabbi almost went home with lingerie after the random gift exchange
• Kids telling knock-knock jokes with no regard to logic whatsoever (Knock-knock, who's there? It's ME! Want a smoothie?)

This year, we have a lot of goals:

• To expand our preschool classroom to 16-20 students with two teachers
• To enroll 10 more kids in the school-age afterschool program
• Reach out to more families with children who have special needs
• Coordinate community service opportunities for teens
• Raise a serious amount of cash in our Crafters Smackdown fundraiser in February
• Start serving hot lunches to every kid in our facility

Is that enough? Probably not. We're big on overachieving here!

All of this takes a lot of effort and parent volunteers. Luckily, we have a committee helping us with the fundraising portion of things.

We want so much because we have so much. Thanks again for a great year and here's to an even better one next year!

Miss Tara and Miss Leah

An Inconvenient Puke

Ah, December in Alaska. Snow on the ground, lights on houses and frolicking in preschool.

Okay - the last one not so much. We've had so many kids out sick this week it's sad. Some have the poo-poo tummy, some have a hacking cough and others just have fever and crankiness.

They have been sent home in the middle of the day, or their parents keep them home to avoid infecting others (thank you).

This is the time of year when parents start to question whether or not preschool is worth it (it is and I'll explain why further down). They have big meetings planned or huge projects to finish on deadline, and then we have to call them to say "Pick up your kid - she's got projectile fluids from all bodily exits and she needs to go home." Or something to that effect. Kids never pick your day off to be sick, either. It's like they know...

It's true that some things like runny noses and peculiar diaper contents are just a fluke, but in our experience these kids eventually develop something worse and they are contagious on some level. Besides, they're uncomfortable and need to be home in their own surroundings to heal more quickly. Still, it doesn't make it easier for parents to explain to their bosses that they can't come in today because their kid is sick.

When a child is sick for the fifth time this year, a lot of parents wonder if preschool is worth it. I can tell you it is, and not just because I work in one and have seen the dramatic changes and growth in kids who have been isolated and then are with other kids. It's good for kids to be around other kids and good for parents to be with other grownups, even if it's for a few hours a day.

When my own daughter started preschool, she got sick a couple of times (and I did, too). My friend, a child psychologist, reminded me then that it's better my kid was sick in preschool than when she started Kindergarten. She built up her immune system and now is in 4th grade. She misses about a day of school every year and that's it. This is anecdotal, of course, but there is something to be said for getting the kinks out of a kid's immune system before they begin public school.

I do wish workplaces were more supportive in general of parents whose kids are sick. This is not really the place to debate workplace change, but isn't one purpose of technology to make it easier for us to work in other locations? There are programs that allow you to access your work computer from home and vice versa. I participated in a teleconference just this morning, since I woke up with a cough and didn't want to pass it on. Surely there are ways to work at home when our kids are sick that an employer can agree to. Just a thought.

Anyway, preschool is worth it because of the cognitive and social benefits, too. We work with our 4-year-olds on Kindergarten readiness. This does not mean our graduates can read, write, recognize the Periodic Table of Elements and win science fairs. It means they can recognize letters, find their name from a list, put on their own shoes, dress themselves, feed themselves, clean up after themselves and generally follow directions. Of course, we work on shapes, colors, letters and numbers, but we really work on social and self-care skills.

So, in spite of the inconvenience of a child's sickness on the day of your big presentation, preschool is worth it. Keeping your child healthy is worth it too. Stay home when they're sick and help them get better. We miss them at school and want them back as soon as possible.

Happy Holidays,

Miss Tara and Miss Leah

Mommy mentors - Having parenting idols is OK

I had a great conversation last night with my current Mommy Mentor (MM) - my sister-in-law Kate. I channel her presence whenever I'm in a bind over what to do with my kid or the kids I work with.

Over the years, I've had other MMs. My friend, Lori O., was a great MM when my daughter was a baby. I was the usual first-time mom - completely nerve-wracked and operating on nothing but hormones and prenatal vitamins. Lori O. was a calming presence whenever I was freaking out. She was so confident with her own toddler and helped me overcome all kinds of anxiety about what my kid was eating, how much she weighed, whether I was making enough milk for her, and all kinds of other worries that seem so silly now. When I look at my daughter's baby pictures, she's so FAT and healthy. Which is what Lori O. always told me...

Kate is family, though, and I have long admired her kids for their tenacity, good manners, and ability to just cope with the world. They are not perfect kids, but they are relatively happy and well-adjusted kids. Two of them are in college now, both pre-med (their idea, not their parents') and the youngest one is a wonderful artist and interesting kid. They all have a well-developed sense of humor, too.

So how did she do it? Well, here's what I've noticed:

• Her kids were priority #1 for her. For a long time, she was the only one in the family who had kids and we all just had to deal with it if she had to bow out early from a family function because her kids had bed times. It wasn't until the others started having kids that we realized that Kate was right.
• She and her husband work together for the family's well-being. They discuss what's important to them, implement it with their kids, and keep a united front.
• They are self-contained fun. They stay in some nights and just play cards. Even at family reunions, they set up games in their hotel room and invite people over. I remember them forming a "Soul Train" line at my wedding, not caring if anyone else was dancing too. They wanted to dance, so they did.
• She always has high expectations for her kids. Not just making good grades, but behaving like responsible people, saying please and thank you without reminders, putting away the video game and talking to Grandpa about his book collection, and helping their friends when they needed it.
• She was never afraid to put the hammer down when the kids messed up. Sure, she felt bad when she had to punish them, but she did it anyway and then told another adult that she felt bad. She never let her kids see her sweat.

She introduced me to a term that I have since passed on to others: "Parenting from your Butt." This is the ill-advised practice of being an inactive parent by trying to get them to do what you want without getting off your butt. It could be yelling at them from your parked car to hurry up, screaming downstairs for them to go to bed, or sitting on the couch hollering at them to pick up their toys. Either way, you're parenting from your butt and need to get up and be active in shaping and molding your kids' behavior.

As a result, when kids in her small Missouri town need a safe place to hang out after school, they always went to Kate's. Why? Because she cared, she fed them and she set limits that were not negotiable. In other words, she made them feel safe.

If you don't have a parenting mentor, find one. Whenever I'm in a pickle about what to do with my kid, or trying to decide what is the right thing to do, I just imagine Kate next to me. She's in the same situation and what would she do? Then I figure, that's probably what I should do, too.

With Holiday Love,

Miss Tara

Instruction Book for Parents - at last

At a recent meeting of the Anchorage Youth Development Coalition, I was perusing their brochures and found a great resource for parents everywhere. The Municipality of Anchorage has published a parenting guide that I have found to be absolutely wonderful.

Yes, finally, there is an instruction book for kids. It's easy to read, very well organized and goes from prenatal to teenagers. You would think such a book would be several volumes of thick, hard-bound, but it's actually a small booklet that would fit in a purse or diaper bag.

We have copies available at the JEC, or you can email wwhhs@muni.org to pick up copies of your own.

What I love about it is its simplicity. There were also some great techniques for getting your kids to behave that even Miss Leah and I hadn't heard of. Yes, it's true, we don't necessarily know everything.

One technique they did highlight was one we have used for years. When my daughter was little, it worked wonders. I can also attest that it works with teenagers, as we used it when I worked at a residential treatment center for adolescents.

It's called Assisted Compliance and it goes a little something like this:

1. State the behavior you want. "Stop jumping on the bed." (notice that it does not say ask the child to behave. We will cover ask vs. tell in another blog).
2. If the child does not comply, offer a choice: "You can stop jumping on the bed now or I can help you."
3. If they still don't stop, you simply say, "I guess you want me to help you." And you remove the child from the bed.

This works with just about any behavior you want a kid to stop doing, or if they are staying put when you need them to, say, get in the car before you both freeze, or leave the public playground at night before the vagrants arrive.

Now, I do not recommend it for things like picking up toys or putting on clothing. Children need to do this when told and they can use Assisted Compliance against you to get you to be their servant. For this, we recommend a shut down. You tell the kid to pick up their toys (again, you don't ask) and if they don't do it, then nothing else happens until they pick up their toys.

This is, of course, for kids age 2-1/2 and up. Resist all temptation to help them clean up their huge messes. Leave the room if you have to. Later on, when their 4th grade teacher says what a joy your child is and even later on when their boss is so happy with their ability to complete tasks at work, you will be glad you were firm with them when they were 3.

So that's the lecture for the day. I will close with a cute story from our Toddler Room. A group of almost 3-year-olds wanted a drink of water, and, as is the rule, they sat down and asked for water. (We don't allow kids to stand while eating or drinking, as it's a choking hazard.)

The kids were all a chorus of "Water! Water!" and they held their hands out waiting for the cups. One boy, who has been with us for a while, turned to the group and said, "Remember guys, you have to say 'fleas'."

Happy Hanukkah,

Miss Tara and Miss Leah